well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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