Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
