You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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