So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
