the condom got lost in my hair
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
