So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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