Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
