i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
