She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
