I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
