We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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