no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hippo gnu deer
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
