I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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