He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
