when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
