I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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