I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
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