omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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