Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
