i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
