i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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