Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
