Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
