How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
