You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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