I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
