The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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