the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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