She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
