I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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