Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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