my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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