Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
