I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
