i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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