I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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