So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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