We're like a lot better than the average bears
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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