what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
