did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
