the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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