we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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