Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
