70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
