After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
