He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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