That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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