Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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