mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
