Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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