were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
