Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
