toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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